Mrs Kim
Mrs Kim seems to own most of 2nd Road. There’s the Kim internet Café (“latte and Cappuccino imported from my brother in Santiago Darlink”), Kim’s Laundry (rumoured to be Mrs Kim’s mothers), then Kim’s supermarket; followed by Kim’s Reflexology Salon, Kim’s Ladies Hairdressers and Kim’s American Breakfast Counter. Lastly, resplendent in gold lame dress, glass sandals, exuding great charm and sporting magnificent hair-do, Mrs Kim herself, standing under two pink neon sign hearts, of the Kim’s Lady Bar – which is where I found myself vacillating this hot Bangkok night?
After a few pleasantries with Mrs Kim I was ushered by the most attractive of Mrs Kim’s hostesses, through a heavily curtained entrance into a cavernous dark room furnished only with a single U.V lit platform on which about a dozen young ladies, clad only in long white boots and the tiniest of tangas, gyrated around several brass poles on a copper dance surface.
The only other furniture around the platform were a few scattered bar stools along the walls and two wall mounted, wide screen TVs. All the girls had little heart shaped plastic badges on their tangas indicating their number should one wish to discuss the Littleham/Westward Ho! Cricket score.
Soon my concentration wandered from Kim’s follies to the American football, then aided by several more Carlsbergs, and a few of Mrs. Kim’s tequilas my mind settled on all things- Torridge! Really – in my view – I thought the cheapest and best Carlsberg I have had is served in the Liberal Club Bideford, where families still drink as one on a Saturday night. By popular choice Debbie or Jill will contribute a song, with a full pathos of singing for pleasure, accompanied by a live band staged in probably, the friendliest club atmosphere that I have known this side of Vegas. As worlds merged into one (be careful on tequila) I mused on the thought that the evening would be more effective, especially for the Americans watching the football, if – by some magic the ladies of the Bideford Phoenix Morris Dancers could mount Mrs K’s stage jingling their bells to entertain us instead of the now tired Kim’s Follies.
The Shepherd’s Hey! on the p.a.! In fact, hearing the Shepherd’s Hey at that point would offer relief from Mrs Kim’s Techno Screech which was starting to give me pain where it should have given me pleasure. But to be fair! Mrs Kim’s Follies would certainly be an interesting addition to the Bideford Carnival on a float of their own with brass poles, white boots and tangas.
Returning home to God’s country the bus tyres hummed down the M5 and I looked as I always do, after countless trips, for the welcoming Devon county sign. On arriving in Bideford, the Kathleen and May had done-the-off! I was relieved to hear that she was away on a good-will tour to Ireland and that the Irish were ecstatic in their welcome. When the Quay’s enhancement is complete perhaps the Kathleen and May could have a permanent berth. The old shop next to the ‘Rose of Torridge’ could become a heritage centre, selling Michael Lees’ prints of the KandM crossing the Bideford Bar. To turn that into reality it will need great vision, enthusiasm, drive and an entrepreneurial flair. Perhaps I should have a word with Mrs Kim!