Bideford pub crawl or a normal every weekend night out: Part 2.
A series of articles about nightlife in Bideford – by Paul Johnson and Davy Snead.

Getting there:
If we have been to one of the aforementioned villages, at this time we normally find ourselves in the predicament of being out of town and wanting to move on to an establishment where the women can be found. Or anything that’s female and slightly attractive. This is an awkward situation as we are all normally inebriated and have no means of getting back into town. At this time we can choose one of two courses of action. The first is to make a phone call to a lovely lady who, if she isn’t too busy, will pick us up in her car. This is a good option as the car is of the 5 door variety and can easily accommodate four drunkards, and possibly another person stowed away in the boot, but the unique selling point for this transport method is that it doesn’t cost us any money. For the majority of the time the second method of transport does not cost certain members of the group anything either as they, conveniently, either have no loose change to contribute or no money whatsoever. On the odd occasion some members of the group may volunteer to pay for the taxi and forego their round of drinks. This is sometimes permitted if the cost of the taxi is similar to that of a round, in which case it eliminates problems that may arise from individual contributions; however this method of payment must be agreed by all members of the group. This method of payment is most definitely not permitted when, for example, the cost of the taxi is £5 and a round of drinks is in the region of £10. We always manage to get to an establishment awash with women and so we can all imagine things while we’re feeling a little overconfident at this time. The music is louder here so you have to shout a bit louder to hear each other. This sometimes changes the method of discussion completely as communicating will be done in pairs which means personal things are more likely to be discussed. This isn’t usually a good thing because it can completely ruin someone’s night. They are feeling merry and don’t really want to be reminded of a real life drama. Now whilst you’re shouting in someone else’s ear, your mate is feeling bad because you just told him his missus is cheating. Once in this mood and feeling merry you may have ruined his night and may find it hard to get him back in the zone. So the only solution being is to take his mind off it by getting smashed.

The shorts:
It’s someone’s turn to get the round of whisky and coke in, the vodka, lime and soda (a favourite tipple of ours) or even daringly, some shots of the cheeky tequila. This is the part of the night when your wallet starts emptying rapidly. After eyeing up a couple of birds you may decide to move on, but a few of our group think they have a chance with a bird they saw, usually minging as the impairment is setting in . So the group is inevitably split with very few plans, if any, to regroup. Others are obviously more drunk than others at this point and as you walk off into the street you notice that some people are talking a lot louder than before. Also, you now notice the state of people in a much better light, as the fresh air hits our alcohol fuelled bodies. You are also testing out the effects by staring at the ground and walking in a relatively straight line, trying to fight off the almighty force of the all conquering and body commanding alcohol. You are managing with distinction but are more convinced you are more sober then you actually appear to be, happy days.

Pub or Club:
I’m not drunk enough yet to stand around in a club, let alone hit the dance floor and make a complete idiot of myself but, as I look around I think a couple of us might want to go to the club. Luckily the majority rules and we cruise along to the next venue where there are beverages waiting to be sunk. This is the point of the night where you will start having memory blocks by tomorrow morning. All is well and you have gone past the halfway mark of the night as you well know. At this point the spirit of the night could be ruined by a relatively minor action. Someone could do something stupid with reason, or someone could do something stupid with no reason. The majority of the time the latter occurs. I’m happy, we’re all happy; even anyone who was feeling slightly depressed with their inadequate life is now feeling happy. Aren’t we all a bunch of happy people? This feeling is why we all come out is it’s just pure tranquillity of desire. It is as if nothing else matters at this moment in time, we are all rushing and loving it.
Part 3 next month.